For some strange reason, our society frowns on failure. It could be the individualistic environment we have been raised, but it seems that every parent now give trophies to their kids just for showing up. It would be considered unfair or not equal if they everyone didn’t get a trophy. We are stigmatized by the thought of not being “Good enough.” I believe this societal notion has consumed most people and it ultimately paralyzes them. People most often live their lives in fear. We are afraid to strive for what we really want. That is why when someone finally does have the courage to stick out from the crowd, he is ridiculed and chastised for being different. He is then successfully “hated” on by others because, truthfully and deep down, they wish they could possess that sense of freedom and react with envy. This especially true when a man tries to get to know a woman.
Stand out from the Crowd
You are putting yourself above almost 99% of men by simply going up to the girl and saying simply, “Hi.” Most people do not do this because they are afraid of rejection. They are afraid of what the girl and others will think about them. They do not consider the multitude of possible positive outcomes that can come from trying. I believe this man said it best:
“I can accept failure, everyone fails at something. But I can’t accept not trying.”
Don’t go home and play the scenario out in your mind of what could have happened if you did try. Approaching random people is one of our many mental muscles. Muscles become apathetic and start to deteriorate if we do not use them. The more you approach random people and initiate conversations, the easier and more natural it will become. The first step is that you have to start!
A Deeper Look into the Fear of Approaching & Failure
We as human beings have been given an extraordinary gift – We can learn from our mistakes. Shocking, right? I spoke earlier about why people are afraid to use such a powerful tool of learning. Most people think if they fail then they themselves will be considered a “Failure.” Where does this deep emotional pain come from?
From an evolutionary perspective, social rejection is equivalent to the fear of possible death. From a evolutionary psychology perspective, back in the “Caveman Days,” if you were rejected and isolated from your tribe then your chances for survival were slim to none. Some scientists have even linked the emotional pain of being ignored and rejected to the experience of actual physical pain. This fear is amplified even more when speaking to a random girl because she may have a boyfriend. If a man approached a female from an opposing tribe 10,000 years ago then he risked getting his attacked by an alpha-male of that tribe. The approaching male would have been greeted with a club to the head. This is why we have a visceral fear and a churning in our stomach before we approach that random cute girl.
So how do we overcome this? We are somewhat more civilized now in the year 2014. People will generally not start a fight with you by just talking to their girlfriend. If a girl has a boyfriend in the same general vicinity as you then she will be rather quick to tell you too. In the 7 years that I have been approaching random girls, I have only had one bad experience with a jealous boyfriend.
Failure Is a Close Friend and a Teacher
The best way to achieve success is to develop a sense of enjoyment from failing. When you fail at something, look back at what you could learn from it for next time. Robert Greene said it best in his book “Mastery.”
He says that there are two types of failure:
1) The first one involves you not even trying because you were too afraid of what might go wrong. You were not focusing on the present moment because you were waiting for the right time. He said this kind of failure and timidity will destroy you. By that, I believe he means that you will not grow, learn and accomplish what your heart truly wants.
2) The second kind of failure revolves around being courageous, bold and adventurous. He says that the blow to your reputation is immensely outweighed by the lesson and experience you learn from trying. Shift your focus and and perspective about what failure is. This one change can motivate more than anything else in achieving your goals.
“Repeated failure will toughen your spirit and show you with absolute clarity how things must be done.” -Robert Greene
Here is what I would have said to my younger self… Go up to her and say, ‘Hi.’ She probably wants you to. After you do, you’ll feel invigorated and alive by doing what you already wanted to. You will be happy knowing that you followed your heart and are living on your edge. Your life is too short not to try. No longer will you sit by the sidelines of Coulda, Woulda & Shoulda.
If you guys would like some simple tips for approaching then check the video below:
And for your reading (or listening) pleasure –