Why You Shouldn’t Date Me Or Any Other Therapists

posted in: Therapy, Uncategorized | 0

I want to start this post off by saying that it is a venting post. No value here except my raw vulnerability and feelings about this topic. If you don’t want to hear me vent then I suggest you move on.

Okay. I love my career. Helping people in my profession is my purpose (please refer to figure number 1 below)

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I have an uncanny ability to read people and better understand why they do what they do. I can label people and have a pretty good chance of knowing exactly what their vulnerabilites are. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I’ll leave that up to you to decide. The fact of the matter is that none of that does matter. I don’t want to be in therapy mode all day long. That would take copious amounts of effort and energy. When I am talking to people in my daily life I am just as self-centered in my own reality as everyone else. What really bothers me is when this happens when I first meet a girl….

“Oh, you’re a psychology major? You must be psychoanalyzing me.”

Yea, cause I haven’t heard that one before.

“You’re a therapist? So what? Now you’re gonna judge me and try to find out all of my problems?”

Doesn’t everyone already naturally do that? I just know how to label what you do.

My favorite is when I am dating a girl and she says, “Stop therapizing me! I’m not a client!”

Okay. So, stop using empathy to understand where you are coming from? Stop caring about your perspective and actively listening to what you are saying by validating your feelings? If you say so.

I’m honestly not mad at people for thinking this about me. It is how the media has portrayed therapists over the years. The classic shrink that will solve your deepest and darkest problems. Thanks Freud. People don’t want to think they are being analyzed because they might be found out that they’re not perfect. People naturally don’t want to feel as if something is wrong with them. I get it.

Therapists have evolved over the years. Most of us don’t take a stance of superiority over our clients. Therapists and the field of psychotherapy has actually taken on a dramatic shift in its approach. A good therapist is supposed to take the stance of curiosity and come from the believe that you can only change if you want to. They are more of a guide.

I use the same cognitive and emotional schema with my clients and romantic relationships (with ethics in mind of course). I can’t speak for all therapists, but I personally believe that true love and a great relationships are all about accepting your partner for who they are unconditionally (faults included). I use this as my guiding philosophy with all people in my life. I accept people for who they are when I first meet them. This took a lot of failure and burned bridges to learn, but it isn’t always HOW you got there right?

So when I say you shouldn’t date a therapist, I am referring to what the media projects. I would love to marry a woman that is self-aware, motivated, empathetic, non-judgemental and accepting. These qualities are what good therapists strive to be. If my future significant other ends up feeling the same way then we would be in a great position.

If you want to have a better understanding of how therapists really think when we are in session or throughout our daily lives then I’d suggest you read.

On being a therapist by,

Jeffrey Kottler

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