Who I Used To Be
I am writing this article to myself 7 years ago. When I was 18, I had a low sense of self-worth and confidence. Hell, I couldn’t even look a girl in the eye for more than 2 seconds without stifling. I was so afraid of rejection that I didn’t even try. My worst fear was being rejected by some girl I did not even know. How did I have this thought; simply because I did not know who I was? I decided to make a change after my second failed relationship with a woman where I was again, cheated on.
I have learned a lot in the past seven years. Not just how to meet and attract women, but I also learned who I was in the process. I can and probably will write a whole book on the topic of seducing women and getting the relationships you want. Thus, it is difficult to choose one simple topic to focus on when writing this.
5 Simple Tips for My Younger Self
If I had to give myself just five tips on how to be successful with women it would be these five. If you follow these five simple changes in your thoughts and actions, a whole new life will be given to you in regards to your relationships with women. You won’t need any lines to say or boot camps to attend. You can change who you are by yourself. I will cover these five topics in greater detail with each of their own individual post, but I will go over them very briefly.
I. Approach (Take Action)
This one may seem obvious to most people, but I would say that about 97% of the time people actually do not do this! Have you ever been out at a party – or even the grocery store – and some cute girl makes eye contact with you? In your own head, you tell yourself a slew of rationalizations as to why you should not talk to her.
“I am in a hurry.”
“She probably has a boyfriend.”
“She probably doesn’t really like me.”
“She is not really my type anyway.”
These are all just excuses to avoid your possible rejection. You are protecting who you think you are in your head, that is, someone who is good with women. You will never be able to find out the truth about any of those thoughts unless you talk to her. My favorite quote that I like to attribute to this thought is:
“You miss 100% of the shots you do not take.” -Wayne Gretzky
So take that shot. You won’t regret it.
II. Be Your True Self
I am sure you have been told this time and time again by people. Your response is most likely, “But girls do not like my REAL self.” How do you know if you haven’t tried? People put on masks that they wear throughout the day when interacting with others. We only take these off with the people we are most comfortable with. We present our real selves to our brothers and sisters, our best friends, and to our Mom and Dad. They accept us for who we are, and when we are with them it is effortless. We do not have to try to be someone different because we do not want anything from them except love and acceptance. Most men wear this mask because – if and when they are rejected – they can say: “She didn’t reject the real me.” If someone truly does not like you for who you are then you shouldn’t want them in your life anyway.
III. Have Fun
Life is way too short to be serious all of the time. Most guys want to be Casanova and Rico Suave when talking to women. Do you know how boring it is to women to talk to those dudes? It is a breath of fresh air when a guy can let loose and not care. It is very valuable to just let loose and have fun with every interaction. Not just women, but people in general go about most of their day being somebody they are not. So when somebody comes around and is just fun and carefree, everyone wants to follow suit. If you are the guy that brings the party to the party then it is very valuable. And trust me, Value = Attraction.
IV. Assume Attraction
Assuming attraction might have been a lot harder for my younger self to mentally grasp. This is because I did not consider myself attractive. The guys that are the most successful with women have fully adapted this belief. In order to get to the next level of success with women you have to adapt an identity that you are an attractive person. You must play out this pattern and belief in every interaction you have. You have to believe it. Start by asking yourself constantly, “how is what she is saying or doing show that she likes me?” Some people might find this to be egotistical and a sense of denial, but your thoughts influence your emotions and actions. Therefore, if you think you are not attractive, you will be stifled and unsure of yourself. It is important to put everything in your interactions with women through this filter.
V. Lead (Be the Man)
Men are naturally dominant and women are naturally submissive. Women fantasize about being taken. It is shown in countless novels such as the recently successful “50 Shades of Grey.” Women rarely take the initiative with men. Women respond to dominant men. Take a look at who they end up with. They will get with the captain of the football team, the alpha male, the leader. What do leaders have in common besides leading? They take what they want. This is not to be confused with understanding when to take “No” for an answer. No means no. What I am saying is that you should lead the interaction by taking her number or going in for the kiss. In these type of scenarios:
“It is always better to ask for forgiveness, rather than permission.”
A Man’s Tragedy
If I knew these simple concepts as a young man, I could have saved myself from years of hurtful and destructive relationships. I could have prevented the thoughts of self-loathing and the rejection of myself. I have learned so much about who I am, and I have had a deep identity level change as a human being in the past 7 years. I now have a solid sense of who I am, what I deserve, and who I can become all because of my journey to become better with women.
I truly believe if these tenets were more common knowledge to men then there would be lower divorce rates, lower rates of rape and other deviant sexual acts, and less women hating perpetuated by frustrated and hurt men. I hope these tips will serve you as well as they have for me.